Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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