YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
