she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
