fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
