I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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