I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
