wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
