i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
