I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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