Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
