unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
