this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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