I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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