i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize