That's intense
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
