i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
