Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
