Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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