I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
