I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
