he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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