I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
