You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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