the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dick very happy bro
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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