what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
