Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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