she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
