you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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