Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just pee around me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
