I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
