I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
