the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
