Screwed.edu
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The power of my boobs compel you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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