Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
PANTIES FOUND
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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