there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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