dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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