Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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