Your face is a jimmy john
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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