Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
