why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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