.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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