only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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