How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
