i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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