if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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