now i know why i became what i already was.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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