8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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