I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so let's talk penis.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
