I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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