ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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