ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize