Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
