I think i peed on brittanys purse
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize