stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
