I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
don't judge my taste in strippers
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
