Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
