I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
