oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
