I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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