Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't turn off my feet"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
