just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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