she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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