U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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