i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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