ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
