Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
