someone owes me an orgasm
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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