Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
