You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
