hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
