My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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