You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FUCK WHALES
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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