drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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