stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize