I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
