That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
