im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
