He uses pillows to masturbate.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
