Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize